Anyone who has an inkling of Improv knowledge, or a passing interest in comedy, has heard the old improv adage of, “Yes, And…” These two words involve agreeing to offers or nuggets of information your scene partners present while adding to their initial idea. Together, you create an imaginary world , a universe with its own time, shape, and rules. You say there’s a giant volcano in the middle of the stage. I agree and suggest we explore the lava formations as they relate to the patterns of a snowflake on a molecular level. I’m clearly the scientist, itself an offer via subtext. You agree and the scene is a smashing success.
This idea of yes-and-ing, or just listening in general, applies to life offstage as much as on. Here are three completely fictional examples.
WAYS IN WHICH GIVING AND ACCEPTING OFFERS CAN MAKE YOUR DAY BETTER
1. You are thinking about buying a home. You head to your local coffee shop for some reading/work and order a double dirty iced chai . The barista asks how you are doing. You say, “Fine,” and reciprocate the inquiry. He replies that he is really excited because he just bought his very first home. Whoa! You express that you are also in the market to make your first massive purchase . He gives you advice on mortgages, as well as a hot tip on a real estate agent that is guaranteed to work her ass off for you. Imagine if you had just said, “Oh, that’s nice,” instead of conversing with this nice former stranger/new friend. How sad your life would have been.
2. You are having a terrible day at work. Your boss reamed you out after the toilet became blocked up post “Taco Tuesday” lunch fiesta, though this was not your fault. And, surprise, you are going to have to work MLK Day and President’s Day. You come home to your lazy roommate playing video games. You plop next to him on the couch and sigh emphatically. He doesn’t notice. You ask him how his day is. He answers in monosyllables . Exasperated, you sigh again, and say something like, “Well I’ve had a doozy of a day,” and are met with the dumb look of someone not into accepting offers. It hurts, doesn’t it? Imagine how much better your life would be if you were around people who accepted the offers you gave.
3. The love of your life (only he doesn’t know it yet), sits at a bar. You’re casual acquaintances, nothing more. You know each others’ names, but not each others’ parents’ names. (Not yet, at least.) As you sit down next to Mr. Awesome, he turns to you and says, “Hello [YOU], I’m so glad to see you. I was just thinking about you.” Whoa! Did you hear that offer!? Blushing, you respond with another offer. “Ha, funny. I was thinking the same thing.” You stare into each other’s eyes longingly, which turns to lovingly after another cocktail. It all ends in marriage and baby carriage and everything you’ve ever wanted (if that’s the stuff you want). Just imagine if you had ignored his offer of thinking about you and being glad to see you. You would have none of your wildest dreams. And if he hadn’t heard and accepted your reciprocal offer, you would also not be in your happy place of the future .
As you can see by these highly accurate made up exchanges, being aware of your surroundings and the offers the people in them present to you can be a positive, profitable experience. It’s nice to be heard, and to listen in return. Saying “Yes, And…” will open the clogged communication lines of your mind, heart, and caffeine receptors. Or at a minimum you may learn something new.